【我的故事】《She runs today 今天奔跑的她》|林颖昭 Amelin |

（往下翻阅阅读华语版本）

She ran as fast as she could. Just run and couldn't care less. It shocks everybody else when they heard that she wants to run.

It was after school and she said to her sister: " Hei, feels like jogging. Go to the lake side later?"
"... ...Er...Yea,sure, what happened?" This ,is the first impression she would give others, what happened? She rounded it off real fast:"Nothing special, just feels like it."

She was running and breathing so hard as if her throat would soon burst and her heart probably would burst too and died. Just like those inactive middle-age man who hadn't played badminton in years suddenly played for two hours would kindly happened this kind of heart-burst incident too.

But, she ran like there's no tomorrow. Ran like a horse. The red sun was setting slow and the red ray cast beautifully on her running contour. She hold her palms in a fist tight, soon her body would give up and get painful all over. It was so difficult but she just thought about him. She could hear his cheer and support:" Don't give up, I'm here to support you! You can do it!"

Today, she runs for him. It was for so long a time, she couldn't feel like living for anybody, or supposedly, living for herself. For as long a time, she feels like a shell. But today, she runs like a spirit horse, with fire alights, trotting with strong legs, galloping in the dark, she imagines it in her head.

Him, that gives her new hope. Him, that believes she is a better person. Him, who could possess an ever so charming smile, and could tells her endless jokes and stories.

But , he talked with a serious deep tone and gave her stern advises and guidances too that didn't scared her a bit at all. But there were times that she felt angry towards him when he criticized her mistakes. Even that happened,now when she's running, she just wants to  run with forgiveness and gratefulness towards him , and with an ohm of starting all over again,with new hope and new self. Something that she can only dream day and night that couldn't possibly came true and be proved by her important peoples, has been proved by him. He urged her to keep on the effort. "It's never too late, you are still young."

"It seems difficult, and you never know if you could do it, but just start. Start, don't hesitate so long." In every short accountance with him, she could learn a useful lesson.

After running, she stood under the shady tree,stretching and waiting her two sisters to come back. The air was blowing so generously and the heat of the sun has been blocked out by the leaves. Pure refreshness. Her body didn't feel tired at all, the run didn't feel like harshing and forcing herself to the excruciating endeavor of exercise. Instead, the run feels like her soul has finally been unlocked and freed from tangling iron chains, and her body has every energy and compose the greatest desperation in the world.

Her small sister has returned. "By the way, what wind has blown to bring you here today?"
"Nah, just feels like it."
"But, you wouldn't run before, why now?"
This is why she cannot always escape the truth from her small sister. She burst out saying:" I feel a lot of things happen lately that makes me overwhelmed and down. "

"The violin class?"
"No, not the class. Instead, I like the class ."
She sighed and continued:" Other things that people keep talking about me."
"But, doesn't it has been like this since the beginning? You don't care less about people's comments, you do your own things."

"Yes, it has always been like this, but nearly it feels like I'm on the edge of danger, and people are trying to safe me.“
”You just have not enough self confidence, that's all. When people asked what you're doing,you just answered with ultimate low profile like you scared of people finding out the best you.""They always says I live casually, I didn't really do anything."

"Didn't do anything? You are one that I see reads the most in the world, and you keep on studying without anyone's pushing and nagging. When people talk to you like this, you have to stand up for yourself, just like me. When mummy said I didn't study for my exam, I will fight back,`Who says I didn't study? You are not even around when I stuck my head in the book’ . In this way, people would be startled by your reaction and let you go."

"You have a point. I want to be a writer all along but the dream seems far away and there are so few people that are walking on the same path."

"If this is so, you have to have a phycological prepare that becoming a writer would be equivalent to being a idler in this world, they separate with the system of society and the wealthy. They have low income."

Her small sister said it as a fact and in no other offensive manner, but she feels her blood runs cold for a moment.

她跑得飞快，像鸟儿要飞上天霄。她把全世界抛到脑门后，什么也不管。今天她要奔跑，怪吓坏了身边的人。

放学后，她对妹妹说：“我想跑步，等等去湖边？”
“。。。 。。。当然，行。只是，发生了什么吗？”
这是妹妹的第一反应，发生了什么吗？
”有什么啦！不过就是有跑步的心情咯。“

她狂奔着，用力地呼吸，把肺都掏出来了。这是不寻常的频率，她平时不跑的。她的喉咙呼吸得痛，心脏仿佛将暴毙，还是不甘愿放慢脚步。她的处境就像那些中年大叔几十年没打羽毛球，重新开机两小时就暴毙死亡的案例，差不远。

但是，她跑着，像不会再有明天。像大草原的骏马儿无穷无尽的奔跑不会累。大夕阳慢慢吞吞地下山，红光斜斜地照在她奔跑的缩影，很美丽。她把拳头握紧，抓紧那一丝无力感，感觉自己稍微不注意可能就会晕眩跌倒。全身好痛，好辛苦，好想放弃。但是，在前方，她看见了他的幻影，就如真人存在般在为她打气加油。他不在，但是他在的话，一定会为她加油，她这么想。鼓励的话语在耳边响起：“ 不要放弃，再坚持！我在这里支持你！你一定做得到！”

今天，她为了他而奔跑。为了对得住他。在很长的一段时间，她没为谁而活，没为自己而活，像空壳一般存在这个世界。可能别人不这么认为，但她的心确确如此。但这个时候，她像燃烧的火马，在黑暗中前行，没人阻挡得了。强而有力的马蹄像铁块敲打在坚硬的土体，无比坚定。

他，总是给她新希望。他，相信她能做得更好。他，拥有如此迷人的笑容，还会常常不经意地说出有趣的笑话和故事。

但是，他也有严肃严厉的一面。他用低沉的声调，一字一句，语重心长地叮咛与劝告她。这些时候，她也觉得丝毫不害怕。也有一次，因为这样她生气了。可是今天，她抱着一颗原谅的心和感谢的心去奔跑。
她不要辜负他。她要变得更好的人，她要朝着崭新的未来狂奔，把快熄灭的火花重新吹起。有一些她想都不敢想的未来，埋藏在心里。对重要的人都无法说出口的梦想，无自信地悬挂在梦想的虚线，让她难以延续，难以说服。但是，他认可了，支持着，推动她，边鞭策，便鼓励。
“一切都不会太迟，可以从现在开始，你还年轻。”

“会看起来难，看起来无法完成。但是你停着，就永远不会。开始吧，还等什么？”在每一次短短的相遇，她总能从他那里总能体会到一些强而有力的信息。

跑完后，她走到树下乘凉，缓解急促的呼吸声，一边拉筋舒解压力，等待两位妹妹归来。 那风吹得让她松垮的衣服都随风飘扬，头发飞扬，极舒爽。斜阳被身后的树叶遮挡掉了热气。真是单纯的享受。她的身体出奇一般不太累，不太多汗。这一次跑步有别于以往的跑步。以往的跑步都是地狱式地折磨自己一般，心里苦喊：“减肥，减肥，减肥，减肥”。但是，今天的跑步像是把多年囚禁的灵魂从铁笼里释放，跑起来轻飘飘的。身心加码能量，有着全世界最坚定的心，最乐观向上的心。心里呐喊：“不放弃，不放弃，不放弃，不放弃！”

她的小妹也终于跑回来。和她一起做舒筋，想起了什么便问：
“对了，今天什么风把你吹来跑步？”
怎么又是这个问题？
“没呀，就想跑咯。”
“但是，你一向来都不跑，为何今天跑呢？”
每次面对小妹的问题，总有一股想说真话的冲动。
“就，最近我觉得许多事情压着我。于是，想借跑步发泄心中的闷气。”

“是那个小提琴课吗？”
“不是，不是小提琴课。那课我喜欢。”
她闷闷地叹口气，继续对小妹说：
“是许多人都在说我，说我目前的状况不好啊。”
“但是，你一向来不都这样吗？大家也常说你呀，不过你不会介意，继续做好自己的本分。”

"对呀，以前的我是不会去理会大家的七嘴八舌，但是最近我觉得大家好像要把我从危险的悬崖救回来一样。“
”你只不过是不够自信，每次别人问及你有没有读书，你总是很谦卑的降低自己的光彩，好像深怕别人发现最出色的你。“

她听了这句话也颇感认同，的确自己也总是缩头缩尾的。她叹叹气无奈地说：
“他们都说我没在做事。”
小妹便不可一世的反应过来：
“什么没在做事，你都很努力好不好。你哪一天不努力了？当他们说你的时候，要向我一样反驳：
我哪里没努力了？我努力你有看到吗？
这样一来，大家也都感觉你有在做一些事了。”

"的确，也有几分道理。我一直以来有当作家的梦想，但是梦想总看起来遥不可及，也很少人像我这样选择走这条路。“

”那你必须做好心理准备。当作家就仿佛与世界脱轨，你不再像其他人按时上下班，你的时间全部就是献给写作，基本上算是无业游民。而且，他们也赚很少钱。“
我听了，身体里的血顿时凉了半载。

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