Amelin林颖昭

​又不是一定要跟别人一样才是对的 舒服自在轻松过日子也是一种心态的选择 想要选择专注在当下 自己所拥有的一切并珍惜 因而感到满足 享受正在做的事情 感恩此时此刻的自己还活着

​我们总以为是别人做了什么不对的事情，让我们不开心，生气，难过，委屈，无助。或许一开始，真的是这么一回事，不过久而久之，这些负面的情绪会变成我们的习惯，也会成为我们的保护模式。 于是在别人说着一些不中听的话时，或是有意攻击我们的时候，我们的保护模式就开启了，给我们无数的限制。就好像有一扇巨大的铁门或是笼子将我们笼罩，我们无法动弹，无法反击，我们感觉像是窒息一般的难受。我们以为那是别人造成的后果，那个人不应该这样对我们。其实并不是，是我们的保护模式在折磨我们。它反复重播那最悲惨的画面让我们感到无助；重播那句最难听的话，让我们重新陷入绝境；帮我们设想别人是何等厌恶自己。。。其实我们又怎么知道别人在想什么呢？那些头脑里面的声音，是我们的保护模式发出来的，来限制我们不要再往前走一步，不要再靠近危险区。可是那并不是真相。 一个巴掌打不响。前些阵子，有一件事让我开悟了。弟弟在开车，副驾驶坐着我，后面坐着家人们。因为有一辆车不断贴近我们车尾，强迫我弟弟让开。弟弟惹毛了。他让后面的车过去，却又追回上去，紧紧贴着那辆车。他想要用一样的方式对待那辆车主，让那位车主感到不愉快。于是我明白了，其实我们都有选择去接应别人丢给我们的烂事。就像弟弟被别的车“霸凌”，他可以选择让位不追上去，事情就此结束。他也可以选择继续纠缠，搞得自己更加不愉快，更生气。 我们都有选择，要回应别人丢给我们的烂事，还是让它过去。别人怎么想，什么心态，不在我们能掌握的范围之内。可能那个人已经放下，我们还在耿耿于怀，那岂不是累了自己？如果那个人真的对我们怀恨在心，我们也不需理会，因为讨厌别人也需要力气，他们自己也将觉得难受。所以，就把每天的烂事当成是一扇门，轻轻推开就过去了。把自己的事情做好，问心无愧就好了。

​Because I realised nothing is gonna heal me. My depression and sadness will not go away for good. No one can save me and everything will go wrong anyway. So I thought since this is the end I could foresee, I might as well accept it. Yes, everything is shit. Yes, everything will go wrong. But I don’t want to live in sadness all the time! Instead of always hypnotising myself into surrendering, I want free from all the sadness.  I want to be able to choose, to choose how I want to feel, and not how I supposed to feel.  Even happiness could be fleetingly short sometimes, but we live in seconds and minutes. We could concentrate on the seconds we live in, and truly enjoy the moment.  I imagine myself standing on top of a mountain, so close to the sun. It is a spot that I choose, I grow the mountain and I made it my home. No matter the weather, the sun is going to be there for me.

​我想再次面向阳光，在我失意许久之后。阳光照射下，必有光和影子。那我便享受光照的温暖。我躺在爱人的怀抱里，我就享受他的温度和气味。周末我走在大街上，我就享受大街的风光和美食。每一天上班，我就享受自己的精心打扮，完成的每一件小事。下班回家，我就享受餐桌上的热菜，一场电影，一本书，或是出出汗运运动。 我便专注在这些小美好就好了……这些让我快乐的瞬间。让我做一只三秒钟记忆的鱼，每一秒都享受着当下的快乐。

 When life seems to be repeating itself everyday, I feel like I am being trapped in a cage. But it is our imagination that’s creating the cage, not the life.  Sometimes I wonder what should I do to make the right choice? What is the supposed right answer? These  two questions have stranded me to suffocation. I became so nervous and anxious, immobile in my fear. Just yesterday I tried meditation, I used to not believe it. But I have read a book wrote by a ninety-year-old  Japanese grandmother, and I have got many tips from her about how to live a life. I always see hills with green grass in my meditating vision, rivers, blue sky, far away city, birds flying, I am swinging high on a swing, a girl smiling when kissed by the breeze… it was exactly like what would be in a fairy tale.  Then I understand those are things that I cherish in life. Nature, freedoms, excitement, exploration, and happiness. By realising what I care most in life, I do not put my focus on the ...

 Of course now I wonder what am I thinking. Conscious mind sometimes really can’t solve the riddle. A lot of things gradually come to our sense after so many years, is it not right? Like my mom’s love for me, now I see it as an invisible love that existed in the background, just like how we don’t know what god has planned for us, and what message does the universe has to tell us. I guess I am not a failure, even though I usually thought that and felt that. I guess that is an involuntary act. Looking back, I am quite an activist, I did all that my soul asked, at least I fulfilled myself, at least I never let myself down. I had liked boys over the years and I reached out to them in different approaches that sometimes I could even replay it the my mind, going back to that day and still feel that is the good choice I have made to have done something with that boy. But things do not always turn out the way we planned, right? The boy I had wanted so much on those days  did not come ...