【我的故事】《nothing》|林颖昭 Amelin |

The ultimate nothingness of all.

I woke up early in the morning when the sky is still dark. From a nightmare. In my dream, a little girl was locked up in a huge bird cage in a fast moving train. Inside the train ,it was dark, isolated, evil, very much like in a horror movie . The girl had been locked up in the cage for a year. You know time flies when you are in a dream and things that happened within a second felt so long ,so logical to you. She has been chosen among many others, that looked alike with her. Before she was chosen, she was locked up in a briefcase. That's how she came to be in the train. She came out of the briefcase, and see all the people like her, and she was chosen. The longer the girl stayed in the cage, the more balloon-like she became. She bloated eventually, almost fit the cage nicely without any space to move about the body. She has turned into a fat girl. A girl who was not recognizable. Ugly. Monster. She was desperate to get out of the cage, get out of the train. Somehow, there's a tiny, almost impossible chance to let her get away. There are three keys. That means three choices. And one shot to make it right. She grabbed for one. And she picked the right one. The train stopped.
Immobile, quiet. Almost like it had been sitting there for a millennia, never move before. Magic.
The girl was not the fat girl anymore, she has turned back to normal. Small, cute, fragile, like a typical little girl. She walked out of the train to a gigantic beautiful station which seemed like an airport. The whole world , all the countries are waiting for her, she can see it. She checked her money, checked her purse. Which is the same as my current purse. And there are notes and coins from all the countries you can think of in the world. And she goes to shopping. Like nothing had happened before.

After that there're still many events that happen in my dream but I can't remember anymore.
After I woke up from the ever curious dream, I get ready for the day. Six in the morning. Time for Alina to move. And one more hour before I go to swim. I said bye bye to her and I was left alone in my bedroom.

"What do I do today?"

I remembered the moment I woke up, I heart pumped superly fast, my breath uneven, I was nervous. Curious curious curious... ... How could I be nervous the moment I was freed from my nightmare? Homework, assignments, midterm exam, practice, imperfect ,imperfect, impossible. I sat up wobbly, feebly from my lying position. And breath.

"Peace , come to me."

I don't want to ask why, I don't want to suppress , I don't want to run away. I don't want to be angry, sad, and be eaten by the smiling colourful clown where darkness embedded all of me.

I just want heavenly peace. And then I think of him, and hear the words he said to me before. All of a sudden, everything became quiet and I felt nature had embrace me.

Then I walk, I walk like I'm strolling in an exotic beautiful city ,great weather. Along the beach. Under rows of autumn leaves, where I have all the times in the world. When I eat breakfast, I eat as if the time has stopped, all I notice are the birds chirping outside my window,and morning sun rays silently drop by my window. When I drive, everything moves like slow motion in the movie, extraordinary.

I slow down the pace because there is nothing more important to care about. Nothing so important.

"When I am not nervous, I think I get this excellent nothingness."

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