Water or the ocean?

Probably my stuborness and idealist 理想主义 part of me comes from my father. A lot of time, my father lives in the past, and I'm aware that I am too. I do not wish to be like him. He struggled to explain all the time and wish deliberately for things to go a different way. He never back down or give up, that's why it makes everything worst and sad.

Although deep down I am a dreamer, I seldom speak it out loud and I accept the fact that it will never happen, even before I tried. Probably I am more afraid that my dream would never come true, so I'd rather not try. It is suffocating to see my father like this, I swear I don't want to be the second.

So I stayed a distance to the place I wanted to be, I only dreamed quietly inside. I meditate, and wander off to the far places, high mountains and the midddle of the sea. I tell myself, I am watching the deep blue sea, and my heart is peaceful.

I do not wish a lot to happen in my life, I only wish small pieces of bliss and happiness comes and goes every now and then. The person I want to love the most is myself, my ultimate goal is to free myself. 

Happy 21st birthday, my sister Anna. I don't want anything from you, I just want you to be you, and sometimes being you doesn't get all the people to agree with you, but it's fine.